Salam.
Alhamdulillah. I'm trying my best to read the Quran, if possible with tafseer as well, everyday and its a requirement in my daily list which I call Istiqamah list. The list is more or less like a reminder which I would always have in my organizer. It has to be fulfilled everyday and if one of the events is not completed, I would have to replace it with any other activities which "I" feel equivalent.
So, as I was reading the tafseer a flash came in mind to the very first event which had REALLY called me to open the tafseer up. What was it?
It was when I asked myself four years ago, "Di mana kau Ya Allah? (Where are you Allah?)". I was in state of confusion between believing in God which my parents, family, teachers and lecturers have always believed and as for myself, I don't feel His existence (during that time)... when I most needed someone to understand my feelings, I don't want human but I want GOD! But, where could You be? I need a listener to listen to me, sooth my heartache, to comfort me like no one can... I was almost up the level where I was afraid that if someone hears my question, perhaps they would say I'm an apostate. But Alhamdulillah. HE was there. HE is always there.
The search to Allah (by reading books and kept on reading the quran together with meaning) led me to this ayah (below) which...of course I was overwhelmed, and made my 'sujud syukur' that HE made me found Him. Alhamdulillah.
Once, Ibrahim had asked Allah to show His greatness so that he could ease his feelings. And Allah commanded him as mentioned in Al-Baqarah, verse 260.
وَإِذْ قَالَ إِبْرَاهِيمُ رَبِّ أَرِنِي كَيْفَ تُحْيِي الْمَوْتَى قَالَ أَوَلَمْ تُؤْمِن قَالَ بَلَى وَلَكِن لِّيَطْمَئِنَّ قَلْبِي قَالَ فَخُذْ أَرْبَعَةً مِّنَ الطَّيْرِ فَصُرْهُنَّ إِلَيْكَ ثُمَّ اجْعَلْ عَلَى كُلِّ جَبَلٍ مِّنْهُنَّ جُزْءًا ثُمَّ ادْعُهُنَّ يَأْتِينَكَ سَعْيًا وَاعْلَمْ أَنَّ اللّهَ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ
And when Ibrahim said: My Lord! show me how Thou givest life to the dead, He said: What! and do you not believe? He said: Yes, but that my heart may be at ease. He said: Then take four of the birds, then train them to follow you, then place on every mountain a part of them, then call them, they will come to you flying; and know that Allah is Mighty, Wise.
Ibrahim, a prophet needs to comfort his feelings, what else myself? What else ourselves?
What more can we ask than to be led and guided through life and the spiritual journey towards akhirah. Let's keep on praying that we'll be on right path and believe me, Allah is so near to you than you could never imagine.
He is the Most Listening, the Most Knowing =)